;

2012-02-08T01:45:00.001+08:00

hanging on. vs. letting go.

2012-01-13T21:47:00.002+08:00

guess i'm just living in the past. now forever alone. no one telling me it's okay, i can pull through, no one comforting, no one listening, no one telling. i just fucking wish you are here with me, but i guess things change and looking at you, it's just the past, no longer the present. because in the present, we are just two strangers, just happen to me standing close each other. where are all the memories? where are the times that we are together? it only became memories. and memories only linger in my heart and mind, not the fact, neither the reality, nor the truth.

i always tell myself it happened long ago, you have moved on and i should. yes i tell myself that i'm moving on, i need to. but who in the fucking world says that when its in the past, it can never be brought into the present? i just wish you are here, want you to be here. be it love or just friends, why can't we just talk to each other once again?

i hurt you, and i should just leave. but who can ever walk out of it? getting wasted is just the way im doing now. day by day..

every single things that i'm taught not to do when i grow up, im doing every single of it. just how things work now.

2011-12-26T23:40:00.002+08:00

when life start to get not that busy and slow down, thinking starts back once again. not that young, not that old. but still, what I want? And when i've got nothing on my mind to plan and think about, you appeared again. sorry, but I guess. no one can find back the 'us' in the past. you are the first and I guess I won't hurt anyone else anymore. I'm not ready. I just wish someone can listen to me, there's always someone to hang out with, someone to scold me, someone to tell me it's okay, it's wrong, you did great. someone to hug me. I guess, no more. you no longer here and everything change. I'm still living, but sometimes I wake up, I still hope and wish you are still mine.

2011-12-11T02:12:00.002+08:00

isn't right to be thinking about you now, as far as i know, it's been very very long time since we felt the mutual way towards each other. i know if it's true love, shouldn't be letting it go, but i guess, i'm really... no choice? the last way of getting to know about you already gone. and i doubt i will do the same anymore. and i have to tell myself, if we are meant to be together, we will, after few months or years if we ever met again. i guess, for now, i should really ignore my heart and my feelings.

knowing you was fate, loving you is bliss, but leaving you, ...

2011-12-11T02:04:00.002+08:00

run away from me and i won't chase you. i will only stand still there and watch. be it crying inside or outside or just ignoring the emotions.

if some things can't be forgotten, it need to be ignored.

totally no more links with you and you anymore. goodbye, my love.

2011-11-14T00:03:00.002+08:00

Life is getting too hard for me, I try and keep telling myself, but it seems like.. i'm still alone. I need you to be here physically and mentally. I want you to fall back in love with me again, I want us to be together again. That's what I want. Is that too hard? I am selfish to say this, but I really need you. What can I do to have you back?

2011-11-08T00:29:00.002+08:00

And I guess, after few months, you changed too. Only a few weeks, things can so much, what's worse. Too busy with work and everything, and I only know, slowly, my friends will start to leave.
Life. Too. P. Too. H. Too. U.

2011-11-06T00:49:00.003+08:00

you know i'm the person that don't plan for future, don't plan for months ahead things. for all these years.. and i guess i've changed or grown up. now, when you ask me to go out or about things for next week or weeks after, i have to see my schedule. it's all about work. not this work, is that work, not that work, is that band, not that band, is this band. and to know that, my seven days every week. everyday busy, everyday with band, be it joining or helping or working. and really, going out with my friends is a bonus, and free days for myself is an extra bonus.

and i thought after april i can at least have a long getaway or something, but things in life, they're all mostly linked up. i have so much things i want to learn and explore. 天这么大,我又有多秒小呢?

2011-10-30T00:13:00.003+08:00

so tired to be tired. and what's happening now, in a few months time or years, the memory in me will only remains a little. just like how i can't rmb what happened years ago, and its just pictures and passports and everything that made me remember.. thinking about the past is so... but still.. sigh.. just like now, i won't treasure. and years or months later, i will regret. that's life isn't it? those words like with huge meaning, all really saying the truth. but still.. meh. LIFE IS SO..

came back today and really tired so went to sleep. and just realised that many things at home, i don't really know. everything is set so nice for me, and im taking things for granted. no matter how tired my parents are after came back from work, they still need to "entertain" us and the "house". is it time like this, or my age or whatever so called.. the "turning adult" stage that will think this way? f dont understand adult, and neither teenage or adult now. its like so frustrating.

saw pandicine today and talked to her awhile.. it's like.. yes i can rmb how much we've been through during last year syf. and to think that now, after a year of jc.. she really changed alot ah? i mean i changed too. but still, that's friendship.. and really glad that the bond is still there.

now i know why old people so naggy. and i havent even turn adult i already tired of nagging to the younger ones. i think i can just kill myself :x oh. what's life?

2011-10-28T01:17:00.003+08:00

几乎忘了什么时候,"我门"已不存在. don't have the courage to talk to you and getting you back anymore. i'm letting go. how much i wish and want that we are back together, i guess... even you say yes, i will reject though. say i'm silly, say i'm dumb, but i think i'm not worth you anymore.

everything that i said that i will never become all along when i'm taught since young, i'm one now. look like one, act like one, talk like one, already one.

typical...ah.......

不能问你可以给我什么,但问我自己可以给你什么.

2011-10-24T22:18:00.000+08:00

the future us that i pictured in my mind, is fading off.

2011-10-24T21:56:00.001+08:00

爱上了寂寞,我想是吧.不知为何躲了,算了吧.

2011-10-23T11:54:00.003+08:00

at least one trouble down and i can no need work for one for the time being, a month. she ask me remember to come back, like funny.

when my dreams at night when i'm sleeping still consist of the word, b..d. i think i'm already on the b..d. drug.. breakfree breakfree. i hope my plan for chiangmai will succeed. i hope.

2011-10-22T00:38:00.002+08:00

Hey dad, I hope you are not angry because you sound unhappy, its just the beginning for me. I know that time spent with the family is very very limited already. But if this is what I want or need. I don't know. I guess I'm really..... I'm sorry. Too tired to think is what I need now. Fell once and only realise after months. Big offence, for myself, but really. Sigh. Ignorance, cannot take it..

2011-10-19T22:04:00.004+08:00

Weirdest feeling ever, its not like last time when i can spent my 24/7 with them. And i already at this age that i have to work to earn a living. Because i'm not schooling. And when i go to work, i can't spend much time with them because i got other jobs and other commitments, and etc. How long can i survive. How i wish someone can understand how i feel, nah i dont think i want that. Just want somebody to be there. But oh well. hmm. just ranting, abit. And i'm tired already. Been sleeping so little. Goodnight!

AND THE WORSE THING IS I CAN'T WATCH MY DRAMA ANYMORE ):

2011-10-12T22:14:00.002+08:00

Life's so contradicting. All along from young you learned all the no-doing things, drinking is bad, smoking is bad, lying is bad, stealing is bad and everything. and when you grew up, you turned bad somehow, and now all the thinking and correct things became haywire.

there's nothing right, nothing wrong. Present to April next year sort of planned out. I've been thinking for after April 2012.. i wish.. but i fear. but if you keep on doing what you are doing, you wont get what you want. Maybe really trying, i guess. I should lead a different life.

I wish i can overcome everything.. from now till next year.

one month away, i wish, i hope, it may be a false hope, but i guess, i shouldn't expect anything.

2011-10-09T23:17:00.003+08:00

It may be dumb or silly, but i think i will wait for the day. I wish to have a chance to fight for it again, Sometimes, it's just so contradicting whether or not you are or you are not, will you? (:

I hope it's not too late.

I don't wish you to give up on me, if you already did, are you willingly to hold on to me once again?

2011-10-05T01:57:00.004+08:00

Without this month's break, i guess i wouldn't realise how much i've grown and how much things change and happened. A week or so of thinking, not sleeping well, overthinking, not doing anything, just slacking, not eating well, not talking much.. Yesterday just happen to browse through my photos, and just realised how much close friends i had before.

One thing i can't understand or haven't find the answer, is it really like this? Friends for me are like months' thing. Every few months or maybe a year or so of close-ness, i have to change? I know i can't really define friends and i know every single friendship is special and nothing is the same. But come to think of it, i think so lo.

Yes some friends still in contact, not much, I'm okay with that. But some friends really turned into strangers and stuff, i mean. It's hard to explain in words, for me. Just don't get it. And i think i still understand that i can't have a group of friends that i know from different place to be close with together at a same time. I mean i have to understand right?

Looking back for me is like, sometimes make me smile, think of all the things that happened, and some photos are like, oh did that really happened. Just by looking at myself in the photos, i have really changed much. And i really didn't realise much until i've seen the photos.

It's just months that i so busy at work, and this 2 or 3 weeks spending much time with my family, made me realise that i didn't really spend much time with them previously, like my dinner is always out, coming back they already slept, waking up they already left for work and stuff.

Next week back to work and stuff. I guess i will really move on and work hard. At least to myself, i will try my best to keep everything steady and slowly moving and i hope i can really cope.

I've spent so much time thinking about my future and ended up with so many days of insomnia, not talking much with my friends, mood really stone-d and stuff, there's still no definite answer, but at least i know my direction after april next year, not something very practical, not something i dare to tell my parents about, not something i think it's really what i want (i know i change my thinking like really fast?), BUT STILL, i already gave it a thought for like so many days i think i should really stop thinking because i overthink and stuff (Blahh). Time for some actions done and some laughter and memories.

Dear, i know i have no rights to call you that anymore or whatever stuff, but i really thought about you these few days, the things that happened between us throughout this many years, whether or not we are together, i want to talk to you, i want to go find you, but. still, but. i really don't know whether i should do that now or later, i don't wish to affect you or neither your studies. There's always a power inside me that say go, it's okay. it will be fine. But there's also another one that says, no, it's going to affect you badly and both of us will regret. I know i will be loss of words when i see you, but really, i want to give it a try. But..

In dilemma again!

2011-10-03T23:45:00.002+08:00

好想你,最怀念跟你在一起的我,这么的快乐,幸福. 如果带你远走高飞,你会跟我走吗?

if that seven alphabet can bring us back together. you're the one.

never ever think i will ever say these words out. and the courage to get you back in my life.

i wish for the best, and i hope, but i guess, you already let go.

the letter written at 3am, the first ever so truthful.

i think, i fantasie, i imagine, i dream. All about you.

好多年了吧

2011-09-30T23:25:00.002+08:00

Time and time, i question myself. And i ponder, and i try to do what i want and suppose to. And i think it's right. 长大了, 想多了, 成熟了, 但却不知道自己要的是什么.

Bought Manhattan Portage bag today. It's expensive i know. But 是该宠一宠自己了吧 :D Thought for alot, yes it's 3 days pay. And i think i'm gonna use it for years if i can. So i guess i won't regret bah. Oh well, but bags to me wont last for a year. So i guess this shall be the first.. :D

A battle between Crumpler and Manhattan. I guess Manhattan won!

Don't understand why from young, i always buy things after thinking very long. It's my style but i guess it's really good :D i like..!

First time buying discs other than my Kenny G Disc. It's a great place there. BMB Speakers. Many many. Really love that place and i guess the price and the atmosphere made me buy those nice disc.

2011-09-27T23:20:00.002+08:00

after sitting here for 2 days for 29 episodes drama. im so tired of starting another one. but its like i got nothing to do now, at this hour. sigh. just feel like screaming and running away, keep running until no breath..

i'm going crazy. mind can't even stop operating. it keeps going on and on at night then in the day, it really have no energy till im so sian. body and mind not even coordinating. damn.

and i applied for practical exam grade 5 o.o

2011-09-26T03:35:00.003+08:00

Rain, take me away!

Without this rain, I guess it wont set me thinking so much.. Hate that I'm tired but I still can't fall asleep.. Been lying here for 2 hours plus.. Without the lightnings and thunder, I guess I won't realise that I told mrs leong in 2009 which is 2 years ago that I will be applying for school next year.. Or was it 2010.. anyway it doesnt matter now. The fact that after 4years after graduation from sec sch, im still here. Even if I were to continue my poly that time, by now I should have graduated or few months more.. The fact that I didn't, double sigh.

I think I should really make some plans.. If not I'm really gona suffer big time.. Those with dreams at my age, almost all half way there.. Even not so, they are with their dip certs or A levels certs minimum. What about me? Really don't like to get bothered over this, but the fact that I'm.. is already bad..

2 years of part time working, or maybe I guess less than that.. is really.. No comments!

2011-09-24T01:04:00.002+08:00

A thing called 'Mood' is really scary. A song somehow can peace you down and sometimes it also can bring you lower. I finally touched the thing on the floor today. Only an hour though. And i still haven't find my the courage to tell my dad. Hmm. i guess i need to tell him soon.

Somehow i fear, i guess you are really tired. you've changed. from the 2010 you. and the 2004 you. being too close really make friendship turn sour? I shall say, you've grown up.

And i guess it's really gone now. Sometimes i wish i can talk to you again, but sometimes i wish, better not.

2011-09-23T01:00:00.002+08:00

Having a 4 weeks break and now i'm left with 3. i got alot of things to accomplish but i guess none is done yet? shall make a plan for it and really hope that i can try to complete all.

At least after a few weeks or months, i get to go crazy and happy, high, on drugs again. hehe. :D its so contradicting that before work and after work can be so happy, but during work is so-so. but nevertheless, it didnt bring my day down. :D

Been so long i went for your blog, and it takes me a few minutes to remember your blog url. lucky my browsing history still have your url then i can find and read it. kind of surprised some things you feel is the way i felt or feel. hehe. but oh well. i don't have a choice too.

not saying us only, but generally, the group of close friends in the past. if ever... it still exist in the future. it's really hard to say.. at least i know something, that i will no longer be the same.. it won't be easy for me to change back.. to the person who show that i care. to the person who say things out. it will happen, but really, hard to say..

rumors that i don't want to know, things that i said before and didn't do it. whatever it is, hmm. i don't know.

if only some words said can bring back a friend and the memories that we once had...

2011-09-21T14:11:00.002+08:00

Dear blog,

I didn't make time for getting well for getting sick for this one month's break. I'm suppose to get myself ready for the long and tough journey ahead. The instrument lying on the floor, when will it be in my hands? And i really think i should stop slacking because one week is going to be over so soon. I gonna make sure i won't make myself fall during this seven months long journey.

Looking at the schedule, should i go for theory grade 6? I'm barely breathing if i'm still going to keep my m.bs and u.ss job. how? I got my reasons why i want to keep it. And i think i will only leave (touchwood) when they fire me. Pushing. pushing.

I don't wish to make you suffer but i think it's time to make you stronger.. don't fall on me.

2011-09-16T00:39:00.002+08:00

The best thing when you talk to a stranger, like so called just know each other is that you can be yourself. No matter whether it's your first impression or what, still.. you can tell him/her everything that you feel in your heart. Talked to one auntie at work, she asked if i'm schooling. I think she's the first person who heard me saying that i regret quitting school. That's really the truth for me now.. It's yet another turning point for me. After not getting in to the school that i applied, i think again.. what i want in my life, what i want to be in the future, my plans, future plans..

I know i can't say i have zero dreams, what that i felt that won't change will be staying in my dream house... And that alone needs money. loads of money.. What i want to do, what i want to study, what will be the thing that keeps my stomach not empty will always change. I don't know why. I can't stay on one. It's always running away, i know..

I kind of miss the life that i'm happy, i'm very slack, i work for money and work happily with my friends. Now after few months, all my friends gone, all went uni or other schools study, one got another job but plan to study again next year.. me? yes i got a new job. but still... it's not something that will keep me going in my life..

Turning point in life sucks. I don't like, i don't like to choose, i don't like to make such a huge decision. My life, i know. I can't let people decide.. But still.. Yet another thinking session, mind blown thinking.

2011-09-11T22:20:00.003+08:00

4 days straight under the sun. The real grass reminds me of bowen last time. Sometimes muddy sometimes not, not even at all. HAHA. Knocked my head real hard on the edge of wooden table during lunch one day, i think Friday? this few days really like blur, and memory like fail only. I can't even remember i knocked my head so i only ask my father to rub for me on Saturday night. then got one hole -.- then today rub my father say got a bit swollen. hope no concussion ! last night go research the symptoms like got a bit. no okay? *pray* And my toe still haven't recover ever since windsurf. its like 2 weeks ago injured.. ):

And why are they so far apart? A car, i want car! I one year plus never drive already, already lost the momentum already, think need time to get used to it. uh huh, i don't know when i can drive....! ):

Adults, i can't understand. And i'm trying, to understand, and to be one. I know it's part of growing up, and i have to learn to be one, no matter how much i don't wish to.

2011-09-06T22:39:00.002+08:00

heehee bought my new waterbottle. it's 1litre anyway, picture is 0.5L. found the 0.5L cuter but i think i will need a 1L more than 0.5L. i will take care of you, won't drop you like the previous one, i guess :p HAHA! you better dont leak and you will stay with me for years.

kind of lazy nowadays. think 4 days of kinda slack. 2 days. sat in car too long. this 2 days nvr do much. think should go for a run soon if not i will just zone out and stone all the way. lao liao lao liao :x sigh.

and that sentence my mum said kinda make me sad, but thats the truth. comparing and stuff, thats what others do. my mum just being angry and said it, but its kind of hurt..ing.. BLAH~

not bad. 2 days nvr touch twitter, and if nothing happen. i will not touch it. :D kind of want to press it, but naah. not a good thing...

in need of exercising. getting fatttt.

2011-09-05T22:55:00.003+08:00

Shall update my blog more often, because i'm loving my blog :D

like finally there's much for me to write in my profile and all, and i deleted the tagboard thingy. hehe i don't know why but i find it kind of no use anymore.

Just want to say no hard feelings, anywhere in my blog is not targeting to anyone, just what i feel and my thoughts. Maybe that's one of the reason why i'm removing my tagboard, don't want to start any fights.

I felt the change myself, today just sat at anchorvale there with my friends just make me realise that everything that's happening around me reminds me of someone random in the past. That's how much i'm missing out and how much i'm changing.

It's only about 4 to 5 months of working. My section, my friends in band, be it last year close, this year close, last last year close, all so alien to me, almost all, but not entirely. OHWELLS :D

this trip to msia for my relatives wedding. adults talk, finally understand what they are saying, i guess im turning to an adult, like really? gosh~ and my uncle who stays in thai told my dad music scene in thai is very high standard and stuff. uh huh. still.. idk? want to go, but not up to standard. need to practice, but. YA I KNOW excuses. i got 8 months, to learn, to practice, to think.

and my dad just tell my aunt that i'm going to do it and earn for a living in the future, so he's letting me to do whatever i want. UH! but overseas studying is no joke. I REALLY DONT KNOW LAH. :p

shui bian lah. things and things change. just like im making another decision now. after few months.

2011-09-05T22:31:00.003+08:00

just feel like ranting but nowhere to rant cus i think i should stop using twitter :p its not very good to myself.. blah. whatever. and its been months since im here. almost forget that this exist anymore.. and soon its gna leave, i guess. idk. hais. dont really know what to do, dont really bother. kind of know it. shall see how it goes, because i can't really do much if it were to leave. hm. once again, the loneliness will be back..................................................................

i guess i have made my decision. not that easy, but not really that hard. but its gna be a whole new thing. if im sticking to that, i wish i can. but i dont think things will allow me. blah. don't really know what to do..

if its meant to stay, it will.

want to watch movie, but..... hais. again, same problem. damn shitty.

smurf can wait. cars 2 can wait. but glee? hm. if its only 3D, i cant wait. but. yah. you know. hm! RAWR!

2011-07-03T02:05:00.002+08:00

i really hope you can stay for good this time round, as my friends. Thanks Ddabong for helping us, but i know it depends on us now. :D we talked, but i really can't see any good sign, but still i hope she wont walk away again.

i rather you not get hurt by me if coming close to me is taking the risk.

2011-06-29T00:59:00.001+08:00

Recently, didn't work. That's a good thing huh? haha! monday went to play park with shawn cus it's his last day at uss. today and tmr gona celebrate bearbear's birthday :D Last week was busy and didn't spend much time with bearbear. hahas, they went buffet and mahjong. That's all. Going shopping on thurs, dontknw should buy crumpler or buy timbuk2.

2011-06-10T21:19:00.002+08:00

I think this is one of the day that i really had a great time. First outing with my USS friends. Went Pulau Ubin. Tiffany really very funny, her first trip there and she really believed that need passport to go Pulau Ubin.. HAHAS! So we reached around 1plus and we started cycling till 6plus. Loads of up slope and down slope. And every down slope we enjoyed we have to go up slope first. And almost every up slope everyone get out and walked. But i always try until the last breathe till i get out. So i'm always heading infront. HAHAS :D And so Wan Yi say i very fit! :D HAPPY SIOL. If i cycle with them when im still in poly, i think i will just end up dying being the last behind.

We went the place that the German lady died in WW2. And we went to the exhibition of Pulau Ubin. The viewing tower and the jetty that's facing Johor. We saw wild boar, loads of them. 3 small, 3 medium and 2 big. The father always stand at the road to see if got obstacles for very long before the mum bring them to cross over. Damn sweet. Then we saw monkey which freak me out, so i waited for the rest to come then i continue. HAHAS ;p

And didnt really sun tanned but i still get to sun tan abit. So after cycling, they say i look like drunkard cus my face damn red. heeehee. We had our dinner at Changi Village. So full and thats the only meal for the day :D

Looking forward to more outings with them :D

2011-06-09T23:16:00.002+08:00

Didn't do much recently, just work and going out with my bearbear. hehehe. oh and went back bowen a few days to play score with them, but really awhile. THE SCORE DAMN NICE and concert coming up and i wont be there. teeehee. awesome.

tmr going ubin, next week going bangkok. and next month going hongkong. haha! i shall plan where to go in august. maybe taiwan. or bali. but who to go with? ):

And i want to try water sports. Waterboarding or water ski. :D

2011-06-06T23:35:00.003+08:00

I can't believe im watching it and i'm crying. Did i thought of you? I guess its the most impossible thing to do. Sigh. I really wish i can see you, but i know the sight of me will make you fall in back again. But i really want you by my side. I guess i'm just too selfish and you have to forget me. I cry for you, I tear for you, and the most importantly, hais!

2011-05-30T23:58:00.002+08:00

Okay, this post is for Quek Jin Pei :)

So firstly, after dinner, we went for Gongcha. So while we walked, she ask why no queue, when it's only at awfully choco, Gongcha still further down. Then she made me laugh the whole journey back to mrt. I forgot what she said then she saw KFC advertisment, and she go sth like. Eh that's what i ate just now, I ate this just now, i ate this just now. -.- right? HAHA!

Then there's 2 way to the MRT from vivo, so she argued with me that the other path is faster, so i asked her if she want to walk back and walk again -.- hehehe. then her ezlink balance left 11.44 so i cracked a joke say want die alr. one by one die. and she laugh non stop.

HAHA, she can really make my stomach pain from all the laughing. I bought tanning lotion at 12.80 cus got 20percent discount. usual is 16.00, then she confidently say, no, its discount 5 something. not 3 something.

Thanks tweety bird for bringing me so much laughter ah!

2011-05-21T00:09:00.002+08:00

Some good news and bad news. I got accessed by my manager in USS and so i can do duty now :D teehee~ bad news is Band. RAWR. Concert on 17 June? FML. so many days to choose then chose somewhere i won't be around. Thanks seriously.

addicted to seeing you. love every second i'm with you.

and my senior at work hugged me today. i feel so. hmm.

2011-05-19T22:58:00.001+08:00

Now i want you one more time, who do i think i am?

And i know i can't take one more step towards you.

hate the life, hate the part when we destress and you came crashing us down again.

i wasn't supposed to be involved and affected, but i am in the end.

i want to sit rollercoaster all day long and get sick.

i just want a break.

i should really plan on the solo bagpack trip.

Really.

2011-05-14T00:39:00.002+08:00

RANT RANT RANT! FML~! raaaaaaaaaaaah. im angry. im tired. im sick. im not okay. rawr~ i want to die. i don't want to work. i want to lie down and not move at all. i want to slack and slack and slack. kill me!

2011-05-13T00:23:00.000+08:00

Okay, today had first day of work at USS. rather easy, feel like in kindergarden where you get to nap every few hours. hahas! so yah. i guess USS job will be easy cus every 45mins u get to rest 15mins. SHIOK right? HAHA! then after work today went MBS work again. late for an hr but no one knows. shh~

Beeen rather close lately. hmm. Good thing, at least. i don't know. Rawr. Not gonna think too much though. 顺其自然

I want someone to tell me don't work so much, don't overtire yourself. Give yourself a break, to spend time with me. But i guess. Oh well. Lonely and alone, they are different.

Not gona say i love you until i prove it.

2011-05-05T00:10:00.002+08:00

Now currently i'm working at this 2 place. Usher at MBS, shows for now Lion King and Triller. Last week started training and work and this week is my 2nd week, rather okay. today first watched Triller, and abit pity they didnt sing You're Not Alone. Lion King bores me abit now. But i fell for Simba and the songs!

Applied both jobs at the same time and got both. Want to make myself busy, make myself tired. Kill myself, push myself. Over the limit. So that when i step up again, i can be a better person. I don't know how long will this last, but i hope till end of the year. MBS pay is good, USS i think is more to adventure and fun, sunny environment.

bongbong, now you are having mid year, if you happen to see this, good luck okay!! gambatte. been long since i say this but, SOOYOUNG! hahahas. if i havent spend all the money i earned, i treat you either uss or mbs a theater show okay? :D

2011-04-23T23:57:00.002+08:00

If you are angry with me for being a stranger to you, then i did nothing wrong. That's what you want from me. If you are angry of me for other stuff which i don't know what is it, maybe i really need a ppt slide from you. So please don't fucking swear at me like this. You just made me feel so disgusted, like a bitch. And since you can't treat me as a normal friend and neither you want to be with me again, then please just move on. Because i have already moved on, after you!

No matter what, i'm gna get drunk tonight. Drinking at home, a bottle of red wine!

2011-04-16T22:31:00.002+08:00

Not suppose to post this picture when it's a happy and somewhat sad event. pfft. graduating members leaving soon. and few months later they are going to collect o level results. oh my. can't believe they grew up so fast. especially eunice sng. and also khoo jing yi. sigh~ they were the closest to me for this batch, but they are going to leave me ): haha aww. will see you soon and hopefully meet up ya? (hopefully!)

thanks for everyone, because i grew up with you all too.

2011-04-15T23:38:00.002+08:00

went out with bearbear today. hahas! its nice. and i've gained a friend. sort of don't know each other last time. then now we sort of quite close after 20 few days. hehe. serangoon to sengkang. sengkang to kovan. kovan to bishan. then bishan cycle to lorong chuan. then cycled back to bishan. walk to amk. then bus to serangoon garden. hehe. nice day out but we spent quite alot. but it's fun afterall. all the best for new sch yo.

2011-04-08T23:46:00.002+08:00

Today i was more assured for what i want. Conducted the anchor players and it's just so awesome when the whole band eyes on you and what you can is just moving on and moving on. Awesome i love it. Conducting~!

If i don't get into NAFA, i will go overseas study. :) a few years and back once again.

2011-04-07T23:20:00.003+08:00

feelings gone, and how much i wish you will run behind me and hug me and tell me you are still here.. not anymore. just wish for your touch once again. not anymore. maybe not seeing you anymore will help me. the past. looking back not anymore.

2011-04-07T02:18:00.002+08:00

Thank god. Survived 2 nights. and not the 3rd night. 3rd night too much exhaustion. And tried out sop for formation, it's a no-no. And i guess SYF is really nearing and im looking forward to the perfect and nice picture of it on the stage and nicely good standard music. I'm loving and looking forward to it. And i gonna hug the people who are graduating this year!

And you made everything worthwhile. And that marks the end of 4 years. Thanks dearly.

2011-04-04T22:32:00.001+08:00

Not a bad drink. Teehee. Walk home after drinking. Jogg awhile. and A taking effect so abit giddy. luck never end up at the road. hahas! then yup. tada~ first night - awesome. more to come. yay! today so happy. when i tell ddabong, FINISHED ALR :D

buy a trumpet mouthpiece and buzz. lols!

2011-04-04T00:00:00.002+08:00

Tired. But more scared. Anxiety. Hope sleep is best for me tonight. I want it badly. hehe. But considering the tiredness for me, not soon bah. hehes. but anyway, goodluck to me. And thanks Mr J.P and bongbong for being there for me and helping me. Love you people but not that teacher of mine. disgusting de, dont want write recommendation letter for me. Bull~ okay time to sleep for my audition tmr. NIGHTS :D

2011-04-02T22:51:00.002+08:00

Just spoilt my mood. Lucky my audition not tomorrow. Hope everything will be better tmr. I wish my phone was with me throughout. I wish you didn't see anything. Really fuck it because i caused so many problems now. Your call, your wish. I don't wish to wish my saliva anymore.

Today had a session with J.P. improvement. tmr with my tutor. screwed. im nervous, im scared. Cries!

2011-04-01T22:49:00.002+08:00

played for bongbong to listen today. i think its quite okay. hehe :p tmr for j.p. then monday. ta-da. sunday. give me energy and determination to practise more alright? :D spent quite some time with bongbong today. so happy. hehe. hope you will be happy like today everyday :D

shall practice more nice pieces for bongbong to cheer up. HAHA!

2011-04-01T01:04:00.002+08:00

Think after audition i will be doing this. :p metal mouthpiece and wooden saxophone. Cus hundred plus. so ya. work for money. money for enjoyment :D hehe. heard the sound for wooden saxophone is not bad. and today i heard the sound from metal mouthpiece. its awesome. thats the sound that i've been looking for, for very long. so ya. teehee~ soon baby. i gna get myself one of it. and maybe a trumpet or horn mouthpiece and i can start buzzing. Gonna spend money on mouthpieces. And it's awesome. Strap can wait :P

2011-03-31T00:17:00.001+08:00

I want to get hurt. A car accident, anything. I want to get injured enough to wind up in a hospital, just to see if anyone would come to make sure I’m okay. And I’d pretend to be sleeping or dying so in case anyone actually did come, they would sit at the edge of my bed, crying, and tell me everything. I want to hear everything they’ve ever thought of me, how they really feel, if they’re sorry for anything. I just want to know the truth. And I want to know who truly cares about me.

Today tried new mouthpiece. Don't like the feeling when i'm playing it. But it sound way nicer. And cus its new mouthpiece so abit tight and i always play very flat. Rawr. New reeds killing me too. Season season season it :D

Friday im free. Don't wish to stay home. Anyone want go outtttttt?

Bored to death.

I'm looking forward to life after audition. Explore explore explore.

2011-03-27T23:10:00.002+08:00

Went early in the morning to lily's office to help her move office. Was supposed to meet at 9AM and i reached before 9AM. then when i reaching, shawn told me he's still lying in bed and lily just woke up. sigh~ so i sat at the ulu-ulu train station there to wait. ard 10 suffy came then we went her office.

managed to move almost everything. then bathed at her office then was supposed to go for practice but cancelled -.- so went ikea with lily and her office people to eat and "shopping" for her new office stuff. then after that lily sent us back. lily thanked us for we should thank her for our lunch and dinner :D and everything that she helped us! *love*

One week's time D: i'm not prepared, scaredddddd.

2011-03-27T00:22:00.004+08:00

No one. Facing a phone which is a 'non-living thing'. At first it seems to be 'alive'. But now no longer. Not when you are alone then you feel lonely, but with alot of people you feel it. Do you agree with me? I felt utmost lonely today. It's been so long since tears fell off, i don't wish to start again but it seems like im turning into a robot. No feelings, nothing.

Friendship built on CCA, memories built in practices. They don't work. Now we are just like strangers.

I really wish alcohol can be found at home for me to consume!

2011-03-25T23:29:00.002+08:00

It's been so long i'm living with my heart. A walking zombie without a heart. Just the outside. The fake. The plastic. When will i ever? Sigh. The moment you left, it left with you. Deep inside, i know i don't wish to be with you anymore. But i'm really empty and lonely, alone. I need someone. Someone to chat, someone to cry on, someone to enjoy, someone to laugh with. And slowly, there's no one left. They are others', others are theirs.

2011-03-24T01:07:00.003+08:00

Why care so much for the future when i can't even handle the present and messed up my past? And honestly, this struck me and gave me an answer. They are no longer the sec1s that will pour their souls to you. They are stronger now and no need me anymore. Full stop!

Ask me what i want for future, i will tell you. I will be someone i can. For now, get into Diploma. Pass then i shall work and study hard to aim for something i like to. If fail, i shall just get a job and see what lies ahead.

I'm going to work hard. Because someone talk some sense to me just now. The most they can do is just a "Thank you!" You can make things happen for them but they can't do the same to you.

2011-03-23T00:45:00.002+08:00

Back from NAFA Choir and Wind Band Performance. Was supposed to be inside choir to perform. But didn't join. Audience. Felt quite bad for not performing and weird because all the songs i knew? :/ The song he played damn awesome. The most emotional and nice piece for the people in Japan. A moment of silence.

So today got the email saying my audition will be on 4th April. And once again, i'm not prepared and still not preparing so far. Gonna start and chiong for this period, less than 2 weeks. Sigh, After which, i guess i'm free once again. Sigh~ Miracle Vs Hard Work.

2011-03-19T23:20:00.002+08:00

YES! watched Red Riding Hood with ddabong, taupok, Eunice and July aft exchange program today. Exchange was okay, expected more but well, okok ah. hahas! missed out the esmerald's song sight reading part. But today i think is the day that i heard damn alot of squeaks.. Too nervous? hmm, i fear for him. jiiayous bahh. and OP Cymbals like awesome only. 18 inch. super shiny and big lehh.

yup and the movie quite nice eh. hahas, the finding wolf before ending part im like damn tired and i cant keep my eyes open. But it's really funny to see ddabong and taupok watch movie. Their reaction =x hehe.

After that went to practice. Damn tired and embouchure very easy tired even though i didnt practice much. Die liao. And sth abit wrong with my instrument, hope its the screw. And after one week, i didn't practice. Teacher say i got nothing much and should have time to practice. But no, i think it's not true. Sigh. How?

2011-03-18T23:08:00.002+08:00

Fucking hate that when friends get too close and there's no more things to talk about. That makes me miss the past that when everything just bring a smile to your face and etc. Why people that you treasure the most are those that always not there when you need them? Friends that always seen with you are not those that know the best and inner stuff. Sucks. And well, this phrase comes in. This is life, deal with it!

EMO ~ MO ~ O ~ !

2011-03-15T23:02:00.003+08:00

Shall wait for shawn to upload picture then post. Hahas! Went USS with Shawn, Joleen and Kye Seng today. Supposedly Limin and Jayme joining too, but in the end only left 4 of us. haha! met in the morning and took the sentosa walkway in. Underwater world not really that nice as the first because my pretty lady is gone D: changed another one not that chio de. Then the guys also change i think, today only got one quite handsome. The rest no leh. Then the show also not that nice as compared to the first time, either watched before le or just. idk lehh.

Then sat the new rollercoaster like damn alot of times. The Red and the Blue de. Now mummy not the nicest but the Red and Blue. hehehe. shall wait until the boat thing open then see nice or not then go try :D hahaha! Not all the attractions for USS open alr... But everyday still alot people. The Red ending part damn nice. DRIFT leh =x hehehe. awesome.

Now my head is spinning. And i just realised putting my life to risk taking rollercoaster is way better feeling compared to drunk. I felt so~ Got a photo taken at Mummy damn nice. Only four of us for the whole ride and we sat one each row diagonally. And i sat the first row cus they go by height. The picture damn nice but we didn't buy cus its $18 -.-

Hais, need practice but havent yet. Die le. 2 days down already.

2011-03-12T21:49:00.002+08:00

heees, on thursday went IT show with my dad and bought speakers. Heavy speakers, lucky dad was there and he say heavy speakers are good ones. after that went to buy some sin choco which ddabong say its nice. the shop at ion already closed down. didnt buy alcohol de cus dad say no. hahas. the normal ones like normal lor. nt very special and nice leh. i want try alcohol de, next time i go there then i try. hahas!

Yesterday, hehehe. :D happy leh. get to drink like after so long. think i will drink more often. hehee. at least thinking that i drank really makes me happy somehow. sorry lah. i really very need to chill. shall not try so heavy ones first. go for the usuals :D

today went to eat durian mousse. like heavenly nice lah. told my dad just now i think he craving for it alr. just now went nex library. omg like not library lah. so many people and so crowded. first time see borrow book there got such a long queue. but the books there mostly new leh. gona go there soon :D hehehehe. and i was inside the same lift with a dog. first time in my life.

tmr pract lesson, think gna get scolded. oopss. =X

2011-03-10T00:20:00.003+08:00

It's a pek chek day today. In school choir damn rawr. then after that go back bowen told sf very pek chek today. now she scared of me =x yup. still pek chek. tmr dont want go lesson. but have to go. so ya! rawr~ tmr see can wake up or not then! HMPF.

i wana get drunk!!!! (maybe after my audition)

2011-03-09T00:22:00.001+08:00

Hate to sleep at night;

Hate to get up in the morning.

2011-03-08T23:37:00.002+08:00

EMO~ at night stare at this stupid com and tv also emo and think negative. times like this that i need you badly. but now, just have to say forget it. urge to talk to you, feel like msg-ing you. wanting to hold you. oh well. afternoon met meijia and nex and had lunch. and the very first time i carry two instruments. screw~ thanks meijia help me carry instrument :D then went back bowen. sat infront of percussion area. hehe. think i wont sit there anymore liao. going deaf~~ but i hear things more clearly. oh well. if i have the qualifications. that is if i have. forget it.

after band watched gnomeo and juliet with mei jia and shawn. heee =x movie at 7pm but we left bowen at like 622? then reach hf station at 700. went up alr 7plus. advertisement like 15-20mins sia. ya. now i got 3 complimentary tickets which i paid for it. cus i booked online but go late, then shawn bought 3 more tickets. then i paid le, so get complimentary ticket lor. quite nice ah the movie.

I want watch No strings attached and Never let me go leh....

2011-03-08T00:25:00.002+08:00

Confirm audition in April. Supposedly today, but well. I wish to get over it like faster also, but not prepared yet. What to do right? right? right? BULL~ oooo~ SO I HAVE ONE MORE MONTH TO PRACTICE MISS HO WAN XUAN. heard that heard that? rawr~ i dont feel like. okay, bad sign.

And just now we were talking. and i skipped afternoon lesson today and went bowen =x Sorry even though its not productive but still, it makes me happy thinking that i no need to go school~ And i took the last bus home just now. And it set me thinking. I guess poly pollute/screw/mess up my thinking of school. Like seriously, ever since i went poly i keep skip lesson. skip lesson like its okay, nobody's business. Then i went NAFA. always have the thought of skipping when i was supposed to get up for lesson. Then i will always sleep in for like 1omins or so, wake up and think again, go school or not. And its always a NO. But today, parents at home. And i even wanted to bluff them lesson cancelled, but thinking that its aural lesson, so i went. RAWR~

I REALLY HOPE NAFA CAN give me lesson like *NO BREAKS IN BETWEEN* if not i think i will end up like my poly life where its always skipping lesson. It's a habit, a bad one and i'm completely doing it like its nothing wrong. BAD~! screwed up life.

Dear Your Faithfully, you are suppose to suffer the bad and learning process first before you get to earn money in the future. And get a living. So please try to make your life and money worthwhile by going to school, learning and self-practising. If not, you can scrap the idea of having a way to get a living in the future. Screwed!

2011-03-07T00:50:00.004+08:00

8 more weeks and i will be a free bird :D so moving back abit, what have i learnt for the past 7 weeks? hehe. =x 19th march. 22nd march. 26th march. seems like.. ya? :) when is my audition people? tmr go check then. rawr. today played like less than an hour. im back to old habits. rawr. nice tones gone leh.

2011-03-05T23:56:00.002+08:00

yesterday damn . totally no mood when i have it in my hand and didnt pract at all. today quite okay to play with the "new" scores. sian i really damn sick and tired of the 2 aud piece alr. and i still havent learn finish for the fast part and improve for the slow part. tmr i just want sleep. hope my teacher dont call me go lesson cus this week i reallly didnt practice much.

today bball. after that slack pretty much then pool. hahs. 2nd time i went for pool, this time i really dont like the atmosphere and everything. but its way cheaper then the first one i went. the first one is freaky expensive, and we went during non peak, so its very relaxing and nice to sleep place that time. hahas!

and bongbong, i want play bball with you. i say first ah! hahaha :D

I DON'T WANT AUDITION LAH~~

2011-03-04T01:16:00.002+08:00

What went wrong? If i know 2011 is going to be like this, i rather die in 2010 to remember the good times we had together then to overlap our happy moments with all this crap.

2011-03-03T23:12:00.002+08:00

i guess i should stop trying, because it always got worse each time. and i should really do what i read today in someone's phone. hahas. oooops. sigh~ not going to try, not going to do anything. because i just gave myself a stab everytime i go near you.

2011-03-01T23:55:00.002+08:00

and i feel great today playing with you people. really nice! i will keep the feeling in my heart and i hope there will be more chances to do so. really.

2011-02-28T20:47:00.003+08:00

going the hard way alone. different aim, same period of time. that's all. day one gone. but overall, i find it quite okay. out of 3 hours time alone, i practiced 2. then afternoon out of 4, i practiced 1. tmr i need to practice more. but... lips hurt. and the fast piece score got so many tongue-ing notes. gosh~ i hope my tongue don't bleed or get hurt in days to come. should sleep early today and wake up earlier tmr :D

i don't see the smile on your face, where's it? i guess someone else stole it. oh well. i shall not wait and if you really wish me back in your life, i would gladly turn around.

oh and my weekends = awesome. sat play basketball. star player seh.. =x HAHA! joke.. then sunday went fishing in the afternn then kite flying at night. haha! i flew a 30m kite because that's the max length of the string. and my fren flew the 400m. and it take really long when we are retrieving back.

2011-02-27T00:13:00.002+08:00

yucks i didnt want to post up my blister picture so try to google-d it but it's much more disgusting. so i shall keep my blog clean. yea, got blister.. my dad say too long didnt play bball. hehe. EHH funn lah. it's really destressing. and now like i learn abit of the rules? hehe. yea. so funny ahh they all. and you know how each player works with each other. oh well~ lols =x

hm to you and whoever you, you, or you. after having that feeling of freedom just now while resting in between playing of bball, i really dont want to think of you anymore. because im really too negative and everything everything because of you. not literally cus of you but the reason is you. and well. i have to say, i was in the wrong in the first place, and now you have already let go when im trying to hold you again, but i guess i shouldn't keep forcing you to be hold on by me. so whatever it is, im not going to get affected, i am trying. i can't, for so many times. But i'm really killing myself.

a week. i'm going to make a difference, no matter how much how much i wish to sleep and slack, i know i shouldn't. 3 months for me to slack if i can pass and a few more years if i didnt get to pass. so i pretty think that 3 months is really enough for me alr :D

2011-02-25T23:04:00.001+08:00

Will you spend some time with me?

2011-02-25T22:52:00.000+08:00

And it's pretty sad we end up like this now.

2011-02-25T00:10:00.002+08:00

Back from watching movie with my parents. Kind of scary imagining what's really happening but in the end, all just a plot and plan to kill someone for money. sigh.

You left me hanging once again, not replying text. Oh well, i have no one to lean on, and i think i should believe and live with that. Even though how pathetic my life is, oh well, that's the karma or whatever, that's happening to me and i guess there's no way it will change better no matter what i do anymore.

And i think i gna be thickskin abit and ask for scores again. sigh~ don't like, feel in debt for them. But let me survive through this first then.

2011-02-22T18:12:00.003+08:00

7 weeks of school is going to finish. for me 5 weeks bah. cus missed the first 2 weeks. and next week is a break for us. i wont call it a holiday, cus really its should be a break for me. from it. and to understand what i learnt better and practice more more more.

yesterday cant sleep and so slept at 3am plus. then all the way didnt wake up until a sms which is at 1.30PM 10 hours of undisturbed sleep eh. hahas that show how tired i am. then woke up to practice first cus i will always find excuses. then ard like one hour. then ate. then after an hr practice an hour again. shld be like 40mins or so lah. cus i cant really hit 60mins.

tone wise, didnt improve. it still sucks. fingers move abit faster now. but still considered slow ah. rawr. now then i realise abit no life. today stayed at home. and when theres no tv show to watch, i really have nothing to do. boring~ abit no life eh.

oh ya yesterday went for the Prize Concerto Concert 2011. they really play like professionals. sorry but i cant find any difference between them =x hahahs!

2011-02-22T00:54:00.002+08:00

If 3 years can make me become someone like you all, i will really try my best to pass it. And this positive thinking will be with me not long..... And i can't stop thinking.. y.a.m..t.f.t.w. craving and thinking and wanting.

2011-02-20T22:20:00.002+08:00

Went for Mus'Art Winds Concert today at Esplanade. Better than what i expected. Not bad eh the band. Feel like joining =x but its at jurong. see how. the saxophonists there quite zai. I only rmb last time my perc instructor was there to teach or a member too. i dont know. So i was hoping to see him, but never lehh. A CC band, with alot of elderly supporters. not bad what. hehe.

They play first love, the very first time i heard a band playing. nice eh. flute. hmm. i want learn horn. hehe. But well, its not for now. Been thinking for so many times, i really dread passing the audition. No matter how many times i try to convince myself, no matter how many times i tell myself positive things, its still.... sigh~

Practised an hr today. My lips really hurt, what's more i aim to practice at least 2 hours a day. I can't face this instrument for an hour already, how to for 3 years? or many years to come. omg, OMG, OMGGG~

Drank coffee already, gona do homework. Think will finish quite late, tmr got school lehh.

2011-02-20T00:47:00.002+08:00

Kana scolded. sigh. "If you don't practice, don't come for lesson" So i guess what's enough for me is not enough for you. Like this, then i shall just.. increase my practice time then.

I don't know what i want from you, just keep trying to move one step forward, but you are still staying put, unreachable.

Dreams. Far, High, Deep.

2011-02-17T19:42:00.003+08:00

slept all the way till now after i reach home. paid and had all the administrative stuff done. goshh~ cannot push back audition dates, hope its back enough when they tell me. siianx. just now walked from school to bugis, didnt really like after i see again the 2nd time. then i walked 3-4 stops of the nel line. then until boon keng trained home. cus boon keng to potong pasir the traffic very complicated.

if the car pick up speed very fast and he didnt see me and stop in time, i will be lying in the hospital now already. he damn -.- its his fault, but no matter what, anything happen its im the one suffering. i almost died o.o

and i miss the times when im cilwy.

2011-02-16T23:58:00.004+08:00

I'M IN LOVE WITH THIS :D if i were to get my own saxophone, i make sure it fits nicely into this =x hahahaha! the only way to get my own saxophone is to pass my audition. and i hope singapore got sell laahh. yesterday was looking through and its awesomely great and super motivating. hwx. you need to pass this audition okay. you took a great step into entering access course, and all the thoughts and words that was from since last year after you quit poly is nafa, study music, nafa, study music. Don't you ever give up! and fucking dont skip classes anymore. No matter how tired you are and dread getting out of bed, i dont care. and i'm going to pass the audition. i gna kill whoever who failed to make this happen =x ..........................because the first one to kill is myself.

2011-02-16T00:03:00.003+08:00

i can't stop thinking.......................................................................................! and i hate my phone for being so quiet. it's not meant to be like this... i didn't do anything.. and i just freaking applied for my audition today. and i freaking not preparing yet. and i spent my whole day today rotting. sleeping. seriously. D:

get lost, myself. i seriously dont like you. can you disappear please?

2011-02-15T19:27:00.002+08:00

It doesn't work the same way like how it used to be. And i think i should stop thinking negatively and thinking of running away. I've already wasted 2 years.. 3 years in exact? Shall not think about it anymore. And i should banned myself from facebook! like seriously.

NO MORE COMFORT ZONE. NO MORE THINKING BACK. no more you. no more myself.

my lips hurts. and i'm still trying to play with the correct embouchure laaah.

2011-02-13T13:04:00.002+08:00

For so many years, people told me that black is black, and white is white. Now you told me the otherwise, how you want me to continue living? I rather not live or not know in the first place..

2011-02-12T22:26:00.002+08:00

muscle ache. hand pain. like alot of pains. not those small small pain. this time different. i think i overuse my arm muscles. but i don't think i can "rest" it anytime soon. bring home bring sch bring back and the cycle keep running. im stress, like seriously! i cant take it when its still not the beginning yet, should i say the warm up state? but im already dying you know. i take private diploma can or not. but like that disappointment to the people who helped me until here you know...

2011-02-11T23:51:00.002+08:00

Crazy person bought 20 dollars worth of sweets, and i found something nice to play today. shall play every time if whoever gona buy alot of things=x

Sorry but i guess i don't know how to treasure you. Since everyone say life is like a show, an act, a drama. Then, if we are really meant to be, let us meet again in few years time then. Or the past was just the foolish act of us. Whatever it is, i know no matter how hard i try, things won't go back like the past anymore.

SIGH~ how to practice? i can do a ton of theory, but practice just killing me. and its been so long since i 'practice' stroke, and i just spammed just now. sigh~ percussion or saxophone? why this qns i haven't get an answer?? i got one more month to think and practice. but time flies you know. D:

2011-02-09T23:41:00.002+08:00

I have got a feeling that my laptop is going to die soon. going 3 years already. Anti-virus no more. Become slow and mail got virus -.- screwed. Just like the owner, may you rest in peace okay? But still, i love you even though the purpose of buying you is fr my work, but i made you gave up on them half way. sigh~

what i thought may not be the truth, what i heard may not be what it is. i really cant accept the fact if its true. i don't want. and i have got a 3rd choice in life. what's what? hmm. IF ONLY~ seriously, f you see kay.

2011-02-06T11:42:00.002+08:00

Watched two movies this holiday. I love HK is more funny than the GGW. hahas! but in terms of content wise, GGW better? but I love HK got more festive mood. hehe. HK actors rawks lah. hehe =x yesterday went visiting with my poly friends. so cool lah. hahas~ and i just realised last year or is it two years ago we went visiting too? after school during the cny period. hahas. yesterday gambled money leh. lost 16.50. hehe i want gamble again! i want win back the money =x

I guess everyone moving on and have new friends, i just have to slowly let go. Sigh, you don't know how much i miss you, but i guess it will never be expressed out.

2011-02-03T23:11:00.003+08:00

First day of CNY was rather fine. Expected worse but okayokay lor. Hope tmr will be fine too. Tmr will be travelling round going visiting alr.. Hmm. New clothes for tmr. :D This few days keep stare infront of my laptop, seems like theres nth to do. Sigh. Oops =x i sigh again. Boring. My phone today didnt really ring alot of times today. Only new year wishes. Hais. Very sian leh.

I wish to visit my friends this year. With a whole clique. Just like Malays when they go Jalan Raye. But who? when? It seems like after sunday going start school fr everyone. how leh?

2011-02-03T02:11:00.003+08:00

No need you to pity me. Need you to love me, but no thanks! (: Seriously, like seriously. HOW? I can't stop myself from thinking. I wish i can, i wish i have. But now, first week of Feb going be either nothing or only basic? Like seriously? SIGH~ sorry, but i think vulgarities are overpowering my mind now. I should stop.

If i were to spent so much now, will i be disappointed? Can i please? I guess no one can give me definite answer. Sooooooo. Just gamble it. I think i going to really ask for something impossible and let it be my one and only. Shall give myself a target. By end of next week, settle whether to buy or not to buy? okay?!?! I'm not going to waste the money i paid for my lesson.

2011-02-02T21:24:00.003+08:00

Just had reunion dinner, with my family only. Mostly my brother prepare and i help like abit and continue cleaning up the house. Mum be the one who "give order"? HAHA! after that i washed the dishes cus mum said she's tired. so being a good girl :D Last time, few years back, don't really like washing dishes. hahas! that's like.. so long ago. now, hehe. okok lor. :D

2011-02-02T19:26:00.002+08:00

Don't ask me why i blog so much recently. Maybe cause its only the place i can say out stuff. Alone Lonely Emo. ALE. sucks. Havent eat a bit today at all. Reunion dinner at home, not going grandparents' place. Hmm. Not a feel of CNY at all. I miss the times i feel loved. It's been really long since i have this feeling. Sigh.

2011-02-02T17:57:00.003+08:00

Haha, watched through the video that i recorded during the performance. Pvideo was quite of shaky cus we were running up to catch it. =x when im recording, im panting for breath. So i was right, i told shawn i heard drumsticks sound when we were at the canteen. Then he say aiya, P gona talk first. Not so soon. Until Sahira called me screaming where am i cus its starting alr, we ran up =x I was impressed by the MJ person. Is a she right? =x ya. it seems like im watching some talent show on tv which is live. hehe.

Never been feeling this way before when i step into Yamaha just now. It seems like i can't breathe anymore. Am i suppose to feel this way? Sigh. Get one, and i need to be in. If im out, then what am i going to do? I will definitely disappoint my parents. The sum not little. Sighhhh.

Came back, clean my house. went opposite and bought new year clothes. hehe =x Didn't intend to buy at first, but i really have no idea what to wear. So i walked ard and i got a short and tank top. Wearing the colours i love will always make me feel happy :D But sigh, i think it will look kind of weird overall. -.- But oh well, its just a day people will see me. So ya, i just hope that day pass faster.

But if it were to be passed faster, it means i gotta work hard and school again. Sorry but school is not a thing for me. Opps =x

2011-02-01T23:35:00.002+08:00

Nice leh! I had my first bite, i'm like.. wow. then eat the pineapple fillings inside, awesome! :D lucky i bought 2 instead of one. so now i got 40 to eat. hahas i ate 2. my father ate 2. 36 more to go. im gna eat 10 or more. so people dont come eat my pineapple tarts =x

2011-02-01T00:00:00.002+08:00

Shut up! And i just chose to open a little where no one can slip in. To see the world, but not joining in.

2011-01-30T23:31:00.004+08:00

WHY?

probably this answer i will never find out until the day i die.

I shall restrict myself to not talk to you anymore, because i really can't stop thinking about our past. How much i wish it's still like the past, but hell no. You have more than what you had that time. Within this period of time that i'm gone in your life, someone else replaced me in your heart. I am no longer the one you will fall for.

2011-01-30T20:38:00.002+08:00

Back to writing. Its been so long since i use pencil to write for so long. Last time was probably studying for G5. Then kind of stop writing already. So most likely around 3 months? Now after writing for like 4 pages of theory hmwk already aching. Kind of revision for hmwk. Time signature and triplets. Already at my fingertips. woolala~ One good thing, i know beforehand. One bad thing, i wasted abit of money. Ohwell, I guess if i really failed, i will just take practical grades and theory grades and move on. But i won't have qualifications. Bleh~ i kind of like this better, cus i dont have to be that really stress? RAWR.

2011-01-30T00:12:00.002+08:00

Watched Death Race 2 online. Thought its kind of a sucky movie at first. cus its like death match for the first half of the movie, not death race. Meaning they are like fighting with fist, disgusting.. like WWE/WWF. then second half was somewhat like death race? And i kind of wiki it, its a 2008 movie. So i guess 2008 is kind of a jimojimojiuhao period? cus i rmb watching that show in cinema alone =x oops hahas! Days like you don't bother asking and waiting for people to go watch with you, get a ticket and just go in, after movie, just leave. hahahas! miss this kind of feeling. Going beach alone. Cycle. then sit by the beach and then after that cycle back and return then back home. Now, you ask me to do it again, it may seems weird to me already. Oh well. Time pass by so fast. 2 years, 3 years. They seems just like not long ago. But seeing juniors like sec1 now becoming sec4? Sigh.

2011-01-29T22:31:00.002+08:00

I still don't know why am i so affected? I don't know why i am so selfish. Why do i have to keep think that the past is the present. Why do i have to tell myself that its no longer the same. When thats the past and everything, changes are like so.... can't be believed? can't be seen? can't be felt? Seriously, fml. Was chatting with mj and ivana, awhile with shawn. At what age will i want to die? Mj and ivana said 70. I said 20. then i say maybe before 20. then i only left with a few months. Sigh. Seriously, what's life? When alive and dead are just side by side. At the next moment, you may just disappear. I'm not trying to be negative, but isn't that life?

2011 - A year filled with changes, and the most different thing is I no longer have you. 3 years or so. With so many many........ i wish we can share more memories together. But i guess your life will no longer have me.